Guilt
by C.Brooklyn
Summary: This is based of a prompt - Can you focus on Jason a bit and can he and Robbie be with Darren because they find out he's their brother could them three have a car crash and Jason is driving?
1. Family

**A/N - This bit of fanfic is based of a prompt I was given, so I hope this fulfils what you wanted even though it isn't connected to my other story :) **

**This is a two chapter fic, the other chapter is already written and will be posted shortly after I've edited it :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hollyoaks, this fanfiction us based off a prompt**

**Enjoy :D xxx**

"This is one thing that I'll always regret. It's the one thing that I'll never forget. What I did, to my family, to my brother, it's the worst thing anyone could do. I'm Jason Roscoe and I plead guilty,"…

…Jason can barely contain his excitement as he runs towards the house, certificated in hand. He'd just taken his driving test, first time and he'd passed. It'd taken Joe three attempts to pass his and Freddie took four! Even with Ziggy he'd had to try twice, but not Jason. Jason had passed first time. Jason quickly unlocks the door and walks into the living room. Every ones there, Sandy and Freddie are in the kitchen, Sandy's trying to cook and Freddie's doing everything in his power to stop her, Joe and Lindsey are sat on the couch snuggled up together, and Ziggys sat opposite them with Robbie, grimacing at their public displays of affection. They all stop what they're doing though when they see the proud look on Jason's face as he swiftly enters the room. Freddie and Sandy walk in from the kitchen, Joe and Lindsey look up towards him and separate, and Ziggy and Robbie stop laughing at them and focus their attention on an excited Jason. Robbie feels proud as he sees the happy look on his twin's face, knowing what's happened before Jason's told anyone. He'd like to say it's twin telepathy (he'd always liked the sound of that) but he knew because Jason had confided in him about taking his test, he'd kept it a secret from the rest of the family not wanting the extra pressure to pass, but he'd told Robbie. As Jason holds out the certificate to show everyone the rest of the family cotton on, Sandy squeals and wraps Jason up in a proud hug, Joe claps and congratulates his youngest brother, as do the others. "You kept that a secret" Freddie winks at him, giving him a proud tap on his shoulder.

"Yeah well I wanted it to be a surprise" Jason tells them happily, leaving out the real reason, the fact he didn't want that added pressure of his whole family knowing that he was on his test. Being the 'golden boy' of the family Jason's always gotten much more pressure put on him to do better than than anyone else in the family and sometimes the only way to prevent this is by just not telling them.

"Well it sure was, how many attempts did it take?" Joe asks him, having congratulated Jason he was back at Lindsey's side his hand around her waist and he pulled her closer to him. Both of them were smiling happily for Jason. Everyone looked toward him, anticipating his next words. It was kind of a family contest to see who'd taken the least amount of attempt to pass, Ziggy was the record holder, but not for long as Jason announces,

"I passed on my first attempt", his proud grin stretched so far that it began to resemble the Cheshire cats. A loud cheer erupted once Jason told them, and Ziggy's groan of defeat followed shortly after.

"Damn" Ziggy moaned light heartedly, then ran up to Jason and grabbed him in a head lock, ruffling his hair as Jason tried to get free.

"You know you can bully 'im all you want but it aint going to make a difference" Robbie told Ziggy, laughing at Jason's red face and messed up hair as Ziggy let him go. Jason smoothed down his hair before he glared at Ziggy with a raised eyebrow.

"He's right, just coz I beat you it don't give you the right to-"Jason began but didn't get to finish his sentence as Ziggy grabbed him again.

"Alright boys that's enough" Sandy walked over to them to break them up.

"Yeah, we're meant to be congratulating him not killing him" Freddie laughed….

… "Finding out that Darren's our brothers was a shock to us all, Joe especially. For a while we didn't talk to mum. Joe, Fred and Zig were angry, but not me. I was disappointed. Disappointed that she'd felt she had to hide it from us, disappointed that she didn't feel like she _could_ tell us. Robbie didn't understand and he was angry with Darren even though none of it was Darren's fault, Robbie just didn't know who to blame and hating Darren was better than hating mum. Robbie and I would fight about it, I'd try and stick up for Darren when Robbie yelled abuse at him from across the street and I stopped Robbie when he tried to through a brick through the pup window. Soon though the drama began to calm down, Darren had said that he wanted nothing to do with us, and to be honest the way everyone was reacting I can't blame him. Yet once we'd all calmed down so did he. I still remember the day that everyone kind of accepted him as one of us. Of course we hadn't known him growing up, but he's still our brother no matter what way you look at it, and it became clear that he wasn't going anywhere, and neither were we so we either carried on hating him for something that isn't even his fault or grow up and try to be civil with him. After a couple of months being civil, things started to develop, and we found ourselves hanging out with him, going on days out or to the pup as a family, him included. Then there was the trip to the city, the trip that changed everything, the reason that I'll never get in a car again"…

…"Oi Zig hurry up will ya" Freddie called from his car. Ziggy's head pokeed out from the bathroom window.

"I'm going as fast as I can" he yelled down to Freddie before he disappeared back into the bathroom.

"He doesn't even have his shirt on" Freddie turned to face Joe shaking his head. They had reservations at a restaurant in town, and then they were planning on going out to a club. Freddie, Joe and Ziggy were going along with Jason, Robbie and Darren who're taking a separate car.

Joe laughed shaking his head at Ziggy's antics. Hearing a bang both Freddie and Joe jumped out of the car and turned to face the source of the noise, only to find Robbie had bashed the front door shut and began running towards the driver's side of the car. The door quickly swung open again and Jason came rushing out yelling at Robbie to give him the keys. Joe and Freddie gave each other a quick glance, slightly worried that Robbie might actually end up driving. He'd only had his licence a month and he's already gotten a ticket for speeding. Now his insurance had sky rocketed and just one more ticket and it would be unpayable. "Rob give Jase the keys" Joe tells him, using his stern voice so Robbie knew he wasn't joking.

"Aw what?" Robbie moaned but gave a smug Jason the keys back anyway.

"Ha" Jason grined going over to the driver's side. Robbie made a bee line for the front passenger seat, yelling 'shotgun' but Darren beat him too it.

"Sorry mate, too slow," Darren joked, pulling the seat forward for a grumbling Robbie to climb into the back.

Another few minutes and Joe called up to Ziggy to get a move on, quarter of an hour later and Ziggy was down, with the weak excuse that you 'can't rush perfection'. With that they all climbed into their cars and left for the journey.

For the next half hour the car ride was a joy. They listened to the radio, sang along when a good song came on, and laughed at the bad ones. They told each other stories about their lives growing up; Darren told them about the first girl to break his heart. He was in year one and she went out with him for three hours till she stole his Twix and dumped him. The twins laughed at this and took the micky out of him, Jason offered him his Twix bar and Darren laughed commenting on the things he'd do if Jason wasn't driving. After about half an hour though the laughing stopped, after half an hour the whole world seemed to stop…

…. A tear falls down my cheek as I remember that moment. I'm never going to forget it; I have nightmares every night – as far as I'm concerned though it's what I deserve - "It's my fault the car crashed; it's all my fault"….

**A/N - hope you enjoyed, coming up in the next chapter, the crash, the survivors, and the jury's verdict :D xxx**


	2. Consequences

**A/N - so here it is, the car crash, the jury's verdict. I must warn you all that I am not a lawyer or a doctor, I'm a sixth form student so anything that's not right I'm sorry. Enjoy :) **

**P.S. - I'm not that happy with the ending so let me know if you think it needs to be rounded off better and I'll include a sort f conclusion chapter xx**

_…. A tear falls down my cheek as I remember that moment. I'm never going to forget it; I have nightmares every night – as far as I'm concerned though it's what I deserve - "It's my fault the car crashed; it's all my fault"…._

… They were listening to the music, and for a second Jason got lost in its words remembering Lisa his ex from when they lived in London, 'And now I see, the man you need, when I look into the mirror I see change, and I close my eyes and wish you could see the same, but it's too late'. He sighed deeply at the flashbacks of their relationship, the happy times, like the time they went to the zoo, or their first date. It was both awkward and amazing but all he can seem to remember is the amazing bit, how comfortable and confident she'd made him feel, how much he loved who he was around her. Then he remembered the bad times, the arguing, and the jealousy. She was his first love and he hers, but their relationship was strained, she couldn't handle it when he spoke to other girls, and when the family had to move to Hollyoaks he'd decided it best to call things off. He moved on, but it doesn't stop him from thinking of her, regretting losing her. Sometimes he wished she could see him now, he's changed a lot since coming to Hollyoaks, finding out that Darren's their brother has changed all the boy for the better, and Jason wished Lisa could see him now. Maybe things would be different. He took another deep breath to try and shake off the thoughts, Jason suddenly began to feel hot, probably thinking about the relationship, it always made him go clammy. He reached down to sort out the air conditioning but the nozzle was stuck. So he looked towards it and tried to twist it so it'll work, before he could fix it though he heard a scream and his name being yelled. He looked up to see a car driving straight towards them. With a sickening realisation Jason understood what's happened – he'd drifted too far into the opposite lane. Without thinking he quickly swerved the car, narrowly missing the car that beeped angrily as it passed. Jason barely took notice of that beep though as he was trying, but failing, to keep the car under control. He swerved to miss another car that was coming up on the opposite lane but the swerve was too tight and fast and the car flipped, tumbling into a ditch at the side of the road. For a moment all Jason could feel was pain, sharp and intense it filled him up until all that's left was darkness….

…. I furiously wipe my eyes again, angry at myself for crying. I hadn't planned on getting emotional, I don't want their sympathy. I want them to judge me as they should do, as a killer, responsible for the casualties that followed that crash…

…Jason woke up, his head throbbing. For a moment he was unclear of where he is, thinking he's at home in his bed until he tried to sit up. His whole body fought against this movement, he ached everywhere, and he could feel something wet on his face. He reached up to inspect the warm liquid that was trickling down his face and brought his hand into his blurry vision to see what it is. He tried to focus on his hand and his vision began to clear. He nearly gaged at the sight, and terror filled him. His hand was covered in scarlet blood from where he'd touched the side of his head. Jason looked at his surroundings, heart pounded as the memories of the crash began to hit him like a ton of bricks to his already injured head. "Shit" he murmured, as he took in his current situation. The car was turned over completely; both he and Darren were strapped in, Darren's arms were dangling over his head towards the bonnet of the car, his unconscious body pulled against the seat belt. Jason couldn't see Robbie's condition but when he called out his name there was no answer, so he assumed his condition was bad. Jason looked down to his phone, he could see it sat on the inside of the hood of the turned over car. He tried to reach it but it was out of his reach, if he could just stretch a few inches further he'd be able to grab it, call for help. He carefully unbuckles his seat belt knowing the pain it's going to cause when gravity pulls him into the metal hood of the car but not caring if it means he could save his brothers. He braced himself for the fall, making sure to cover his already injured head, he slowly unbuckled his seatbelt. Jason grunted at the pain caused by the small fall but didn't even remember it once he got hold of the phone. Quickly he called 999, then Joe. Joe picked up on the second ring.

"Hey Jase, what's up?" Ziggys voice came down the end of the line. Without warning Jason began to cry, the sound of Ziggys familiar voice hit him hard, it took away the fear that had been consuming him. Ziggys voice quickly changed when he heard Jason crying and Jason could hear him talking to Joe and Freddie. Jason looked up to Darren and Robbie, now he was below them he could see them properly, Robbie looked nearly conscious and was moaning slightly, his arm looked pretty messed up, and he had a big bruise forming on his forehead but he didn't look nearly as bad as Darren. Darren was white as a ghost, his skin looked even paler when compared to the scarlet blood that covering him, there was a large piece of glass sticking out of his side. The most worrying thing though was the colour of his lips – blue. Jason's breath caught at the sight of this, and he couldn't breathe, couldn't move. Even when Joe's voice came through the phone, Jason could barely hear it. This was all his fault. Darren was going to die and it was all his fault.

"JASON GO DAMN IT ANSWER ME"- Jason was snapped out of his fear by a familiar voice coming from inside the car, he looked up to Darren hopefully, but he still wasn't moving, he turned even paler which is something that Jason hadn't thought possible. "JASE PLEASE" he turned to the source of the noise, Robbie. Robbie's face turned into a calming grin as Jason's eyes rested on him. "Thank god, thought you'd gone into some sort of shock," Robbie tried to smile reassuringly at Jason but Jason could see past the smile and could see the pain that Robbie was trying to mask, the fear and desperation behind the reassuring smile.

"Rob" Jason's pained and weak voice whispered.

"Yeah Jase?" Robbie's voice was soothing, although Jason could see how hard it was for him to keep up the pretence.

"I think Darren's dead" Jason muttered looking Robbie in the eye and feeling all the more sick now he'd said it. Robbie's eyes flashed with panic and Jason could see him moving to try and get a better look at Darren, but when he moved he screamed out in pain, grabbing on to his bloody arm.

"Shit" he muttered, "have you called 999, and Joe?" Robbie asked him, and Jason nods numbly in reply. All he could think about was how he caused this, how he killed his own brother, how he deserved to be dead instead of Darren. "Jase, please don't zone out again, I need you" Robbie pleaded, and Jason came back into the present again.

"Robbie what do I do?" He asked his brother, feeling lost and alone, even though Robbie was only centimetres away, Jason was the only one who could help Darren, the ambulance wasn't here yet and Robbie was injured. It was all down to him and he was too scared to even move.

"Jase, I know you're scared but you gotta do something, I don't even know where he's injured," Robbie told him his voice pleading Jason to move, to do something other than just sit there. Jason could hear the desperation in Robbie's voice and he knew he had to do what Robbie said, he had to move, he had to snap out of this reaction and he had to do something, anything to save Darren's life. He looked around the hood of the car, looking for something he could use to stop the bleeding, seeing nothing of use he took off his shirt, slowly as the aching in his body intensified greatly when he moved. He then shuffled over to Darren, getting as close as he could and reached up, but no matter how hard he tried he wasn't able to reach him. "Jase," Robbie got Jason's attention and reached out his good arm indicating for Jason to pass him the shirt. Jason did so then he guided Robbie's hand over to where he needed to hold the shirt down, on top of Darren's large wound, because he was sitting behind Darren he was able to reach round the chair easily and hold the right amount of pressure on the wound. Seeing that Robbie had it covered Jason sat back down, and fought with an overwhelming sense of nausea and his pounding head he laid back against the car hood and closed his eyes.

"JASE!" Jason was snapped out of the cold darkness by a sharp, loud and scared voice. His head throbbed so viciously that he couldn't move, every time he tried to open his eyes he was blinded by painful white light. "Jason, come on mate open your eyes" he heard the voice again; he was surprised he could even hear the voice at all over the thumping of pain that filled his head. Why was this guy trying to wake him up, he just needed to rest, get rid of this god awful headache. "I tried to wake him but it isn't working" he could hear that same voice talking to someone else, the voice seems familiar, was it Joes, Freddie's? As the throbbing intensified he decided he didn't care whoever it was they could wait because right now all he needed to think about was sleep…

… "The next morning I woke up in hospital, mum was by my bed, she filled me in on the details. Apparently Joe, Freddie and Ziggy found us before the ambulance had gotten on scene. Joe and Freddie worked on getting Darren and me out as we were both unconscious, whilst Ziggy talked to Robbie trying to keep him calm. They managed to get Darren and me out through a smashed window and did the same with Robbie, no sooner had they gotten all of us out than the ambulance arrived. Darren being the most severe got treated first, the paramedics told Freddie that he had to try everything he could to wake me up, so I guess that's the voice that I could hear. After they got Darren stable enough to move him they loaded us up onto the ambulance and took us to the hospital. I escaped with just a concussion, but Robbie broke his arm so badly that it needed to be operated on, and Darren-" A lump begins to form in my throat as the guilt begins to flow through me, full force, once again, "Well Darren didn't escape as luckily as us. He's in intensive care; he slipped into a coma due to the blood loss and head trauma," I can't help but let a tear slip as I remember Darren's weak form lying in the hospital bed. The whole family had been treating me differently since the accident. I don't think they know how to act around me, half the time it's as though they think I'm china – easily broken. Other times, though, I catch them just staring at me with this look of… of well, pity. I hate them feeling sorry for me like this, they shouldn't feel sorry for me – the crash was my fault. Of course they'd never admit it to my face, and all of them have been trying to keep up my moral up about this trial. Their efforts are useless though because I know that I'm going to jail – they don't let guilty people go free. "So as you can see, the accident was because of me, I turned my attention off the road. I caused the crash, and then I didn't react fast enough to save Darren. This is why I've chosen to plead guilty," I tell the court, not looking toward my family sat in the stand, knowing that if I do I'll lose my composure and just break down into the tears I've been holding back since the accident.

"Thank you Mr Roscoe" the judge smiles at me and I sit back down. Now that the attentions off of me I chance a glance at my family in the stands. Mums got tears streaming down her face, Fraser's holding her hands comfortingly but she's barely taking notice of him, her eyes don't leave me. Behind them Ziggys sat down next to Freddie, Ziggy looks pale and his usually perfect hair is messy and unbrushed. Freddie's looking to the floor so I can't see his face properly. Joes next to Lindsey, their holding hands, Joe's trying to keep a brave face but I can see past it and Lindsey's got tears rolling down her cheek. Robbie's not even here, he's hardly said a word to me since the crash. In front of me the lawyers are talking, one defending me the other is not. I don't pay attention to what they're saying, I don't really care. It doesn't matter what that man says in my defence as I know I'm guilty. I start to think back to the crash, the blinding pain, and then waking up to see my brother's half dead. And what do I do? Nothing, I just sit there too scared to do anything. I'm an awful brother; I don't deserve to have brothers. If I had acted quicker then Darren would still be alive. When I go to prison I can ask for no visitors, I can stop them from looking after me because of a sense of duty, they won't be burdened by me anymore.

I'm taken into a separate room whilst the jury decides my fate. My lawyer sits down with me and explains what he thinks they'll say, "probably just some community service, take your licence away for a set time, I don't see them giving you a sentence though, even if there is one it won't be for more than a few months, you just gotta keep your chin up mate" the lawyer says, even though I'm not paying him any attention. After half an hour the guard comes back into the room to escort me back into the box, he handcuffs my wrists and leads me back there. I'm not nervous, I should be but I'm not. I want them to send me to jail.

I stand in the box; all eyes are on me as a middle aged brunet woman stands up in the Jury box. She reads from a sheet of paper. 'We find Jason Roscoe guilty of reckless driving" She pauses as the people in the stands react, my mums crying full force now, all my brothers are standing strong. Robbie's arrived too, I'm not sure why he's here, probably just to see me go down. The woman continues, "In the case of man slaughter we find Jason Roscoe not guilty," the woman says, her face is plain, not sign of emotion. I think my face is probably similar as all I feel is numb. How could they say that, the accident was my fault, I told them that, I'm guilty. An overwhelming anger fills me and all I want to do it scream. But I don't, instead I just stand there, unmoving, with no facial expression. All eyes turn to the Judge now, awaiting her sentencing.

"Mr Roscoe has no priors, it's clear that this was in fact an accident, although an accident that could have been avoided. With this in mind, and his guilty plea, I sentence Jason Roscoe to four months community service and removal of his licence for a five year period," and with that she brings down her hammer.

After a mandatory discussion with my lawyer and a representative of the court about my community service hours I'm allowed to go free. I'm taken out and walked over to my family. The sentencing still hasn't sunk in, why didn't they send me to jail, it's where I belong, I put Darren in a coma. Everyone's waiting outside, Joe, Lindsey, Mum, Freddie, Ziggy and Robbie. As soon as mum sees me she runs over to me and wraps me into a suffocating hug. I don't react, I don't hug her back I just stand there numbly, the only thought going through my mind is that they made a mistake, I can't really be free, I'm meant to be in prison. "Alright mum, I think he's had enough" Joe laughs, prying his mum's arms from me. I look up at Joe, his eyes are watery and he looks as though he's been crying. Yet the look in his eyes isn't of regret but joy. Is he happy that I'm not in prison? How can he be, it's my fault. Each member of the family comes over and gives me a hug, I react in the same way each time, stiffening slightly but not really taking notice. I think about putting my arms around them, hugging them back but I just can't. Every one congratulates me, except Robbie. In a way I'm happy about this, he sees me for what I truly am. I look over to him, his head is bowed looking at the ground, and his arms are crossed over his chest, his cast sticking out under his jacket. Obviously noticing that there's something going on between me and Robbie Joe signals for everyone to leave, telling me that I can get a lift back with Robbie. With everyone else gone the corridor goes silent. Robbie doesn't move and neither do I. After a few minutes though the silence begins to get unbearable, and, clearly feeling the same way, Robbie begins to speak. "So you're free" he says, not asking me but more stating a fact. I nod, not sure what else there is to say to that. "You ok?" he asks me, looking up into my face for the first time since the crash. I don't answer, not sure how to answer – am I ok? Ever since the crash I've only had one emotion, one thing that's constantly on my mind – guilt. Now though, now I have new emotions filling me, the guilt's still there I don't think it'll ever truly leave, but now I have this anger, searing hot, raging and boiling inside of me, and happiness, a feeling that I haven't felt in so long, a feeling that's so close to sadness that I can barely tell the difference anymore. I'm not sure who these feels are aimed at, just that I can't hold it in any longer. I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Tears begin to fall down my face and before I know it I'm crying, it's like all my emotions have just overflowed, and Robbie beside me, pulling me into his arms, holding my sobbing frame. "It's ok Jase, It's gonna be ok now" he soothes me, but I don't believe him. It's never going to be ok again.

"How?" I ask through sobs, once I've asked I feel him pulling me in tighter.

"Because you've got me" he tells me, and I begin crying even harder.

"You should hate me" I growl at him, trying to pull away, angry that he's treating me like this. I preferred it when he ignored me, it was easier than this. Robbie doesn't let me pull away though; he pulls me back into the hug, holding me tighter.

"No Jase, it was an accident. I would've hated you if you'd done it on purpose but you didn't, you made a mistake and you've paid for it. Christ Jase you've punished yourself enough, now would ya stop blaming yourself for this, I don't and neither would Darren" Robbie tells him, bring up Darren just makes me cry harder, but I listen to what he says, I always listen to Robbie. And I start to think that maybe, just maybe everything's going to be ok.


End file.
